Arranged Marriage

Matthew 1:18 Now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows: After His mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Spirit. 19 Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly. 20 But while he thought about these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, "Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take to you Mary your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit. 21 And she will bring forth a Son, and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins." 22 So all this was done that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the Lord through the prophet, saying: 23 "Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel," which is translated, "God with us." 24 Then Joseph, being aroused from sleep, did as the angel of the Lord commanded him and took to him his wife, 25 and did not know her till she had brought forth her firstborn Son. And he called His name Jesus.

One of the customs of the ancient world that has not been carried forth into the modern age, (with some exceptions,) is the custom of ‘arranged marriage.’

An ‘arranged marriage’ is a marriage which has been arranged by the parents of the bride and the parents of the groom. In the ancient world, it was thought parents knew best whom their son or daughter should marry. Go figure.

In most places, and certainly in Israel, (which is the culture being discussed here,) an arranged marriage would take place only after a contract designed to assure neither party would back out of the marriage had been agreed to by the parents of the bride and the groom.

A price would be negotiated by the groom’s family in payment for the bride, and the bride would agree to bring a dowry into the marriage for part of her support. Thus the marriage being entered into would cost both sets of parents something. (That tradition has been passed down to us today in that it is customary for both sets of parents to participate in providing for the cost of the marriage ceremony. Typically the groom’s family provides the cost of the rehearsal dinner, and the bride’s family provides the cost of the wedding. This has been passed down to us from the ancient custom of arranged marriage. Ever notice how everyone goes along with this design without challenging the custom?)

For Joseph and Mary, the arranged marriage process had already been entered into. We do not have any of the particulars of what their arrangement may have been, but we do read in our Bibles that they were “betrothed.” To be ‘betrothed’ essentially means the same thing as our modern ‘engagement’ - but it also carries the weight of a marriage contract, (the price having been paid for the bride by the groom’s parents, and an agreement by the bride’s parents to provide some sort of dowry.)

Oh, and one more thing…on her wedding night, the bride would have to provide proof her virginity. Failure to provide proof of virginity could result in the death of the bride should she be charged with adultery, but certainly she would be ostracized by everyone who knew her. A divorce could take place immediately, and the bride price would have to be refunded – to the great shame of the bride’s parents. Failure to prove virginity was a big deal.

Now imagine Joseph’s embarrassment, shame, and dilemma upon learning Mary was pregnant…

-Pastor Bill